Pom Poms and Microscopes

There are many things I love about my wife. I love her personality. I love her face. I love her mind. Frankly, there's a lot to love.

And I especially love that she's my biggest cheerleader. 

I don't mean that in the self-centered way you might be taking it. (It's not like I need someone watching my life and constantly telling me I'm doing a good job ... he said, hoping someone likes this blog post.) I mean it in the sense that she's always there for me, which is incredibly comforting. When I fail -- when I come home with my tail between my legs after a basketball game or after a day of work when I just didn't perform well -- she's there with a huge smile on her face and open arms. 

And really, it's a two-way street. I can't think of many things my wife does the wrong way. She's very smart, very pretty, and a very good cook -- at times. She looks great in those silly skinny jeans everyone wears and reads an iPad like no one's business. I support her in everything that she does. Sounds like we belong on a wholesome, 50s sitcom, doesn't it? Like cheesy messenger bag guy and blondie up there, right?  

Here's the thing, though. I think one of the secrets to a happy -- and long-lasting -- relationship is knowing when to put away the pom poms and bring out the microscope. 

Have salad dressing all over your face? Your partner should point it out. Are you being a jerk to your buddy? Your partner should tell you. Should you completely overhaul the presentation for work because it's boring and tedious? Yep, you guessed it. It's your partner's job to let you know.

Now, this is a delicate balance. There are times when you need to bite your tongue and times when you need to just shut up. (I've learned both these things already.) But this balance, I think, is an important step in creating a happy marriage full of trust and love.

So the next time you're sharing an opinion about your beloved one, stop and think for a second: Should I go with the pom poms or the microscope?

The Science of Bridget Bombs

They lurk, quietly, around corners. They often show up in the kitchen, the bedroom, and the family room. And they show up night or day -- they can appear right when we wake up or, much to my delight, after three hours of shoveling.

They are -- drumroll, please -- Bridget Bombs.

What's a Bridget Bomb? Webster's Dictionary defines it as "a discarded collection of items owned by Bridget Kylah Briddon that is strewn about within a living space." In other words, bombs consist of wrappers, single slippers, dirty dishes, unmade beds, and anything else you can probably imagine. (A recent one is pictured above.) They are not so much fun -- for me, anyway.

Now, if you know me and Bridget, you know we're not all that similar sometimes. For example, on your average Sunday morning, I'll get up, go to the gym, take Oscar to Fresh Pond, and go grocery shopping before 10:30 AM. Bridget, on the other hand, prefers rolling over (sometimes twice!) and finding the cool side of the pillow.

Another example: When she cooks, Bridget uses as many pots and pans as possible, and makes sure to use the stickiest substances in each of them. When I cook, I attempt to clean the pots when they are still on the burner. (I sound fun, don't I?)

To put it simply: I'm the neat one. Bridget is the "creative" one.

So, these Bridget Bombs, you might imagine, are a huge, divisive issue. The thing is, though, they really aren't. And it's because of humor. As a married couple, there are many things we see differently, but they don't seem so bad when we add an element of humor to them.

In the early days of our marriage -- the first couple months, which many people say are the toughest -- we hadn't figured out this little trick. Instead, I'd come upon a Bridget Bomb and say, "Hey, can you clean this up? I'd rather not live in filth." Not surprisingly, this didn't go over so well. Now, I go around and make little explosion noises, which makes us both laugh a little. It diffuses the situation for both of us and, to be honest, I really don't know who ends up cleaning the bombs. It really doesn't matter.

Is humor the answer in every situation? Of course not. But sometimes a little alliterative name for an annoying habit can mean the difference between an argument and a smile.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I see a small explosion on the table behind me ...

Debt Free in 2013

Last weekend, Mike and I went out to dinner to celebrate a momentous occasion. Tucking into a plate of tater tots at Cambridge Common, we smiled goofily at each other, utterly giddy at what we'd just accomplished. You see, we had just reached a major life milestone shared by many people of our generation.

What could it be you ask? Did one of us get a big promotion? Did we buy a home? Did we hit the lotto?!? No, friends. It was better.

We paid off all of our student loan debt.

I know, I know. Not really that sexy. But work with me here. Mike and I will never have to write another check send another electronic payment to chip away at the debt we acquired getting the degrees that are now 10+ years old. We no longer have to pay thousands of dollars of interest to a bank. WE. ARE. FREE.

How did we get here? It started, as most things in our life do, with me getting a little obsessed. You see, after an expensive 2012 (our wedding, other peoples' weddings, vacations, kitchen island, not sticking to christmas gift limits, etc.) I started to take stock of our financial health. With no big expenditures on the horizon, what was the best thing to do with the little bit of extra money we had in our accounts at each month's end? Sock it away in an emergency fund? Save or invest it so we could buy a place? Contribute more towards our 401ks? Open up Roth IRAs? Start a college fund for our future children? Go on another vacation? Buy even more Apple products? Up Oscar's treat budget? The options were overwhelming.

My first thought was to see a financial panther planner. And we still may at some point. But I felt like I needed to get a hold on our basic financial strategy before I went to see someone who will likely just want me to invest my money. So I did a lot of Googling. And looked at savings interest rates. And retirement calculators. And home prices in our area (which was painful to say the least). And college costs in 2033 (perhaps even more painful). But none of that gave me any direction of what to do when. Then I went to brunch with a friend who mentioned she was attending a financial planning class based on Dave Ramsey's philosophy about paying off debt. And I was intrigued. So, I ran home from brunch, downloaded his book on my Kindle, and read it straight through.

You see, while I don't think Dave and I would get along personally (socially I suspect he leans further to the right than I'm generally comfortable with), we do have a shared hatred of debt. And paying interest. So his philosophy really appealed to me. You can read about his 7 Baby Steps here.

He outlines a clear plan to what he calls "Financial Freedom." Doesn't that have a nice ring to it? His path to this financial freedom can be a bit extreme, so I can't say we are following his plan to the letter. BUT, we did take one big step which put us in position to make the big student loan payoff. We sold Mike's car. And we took that money, and some savings, and we made the last payments on our loans. We decided to prioritize paying off debt over everything else. And I gotta say, it feels good.

Next step for us is paying off my car, which we are hoping to do in the next 6 months. Turns out you have a lot more money when you aren't making two student loan payments each month! Then, once we are completely debt free (in 2013!) we'll start our emergency fund and then start saving for our own little house or condo (Well, maybe. But that is a debate for another blog post. Is buying a house worth it anymore?)

It feels really good to be digging our way out of debt. And it feels even better to have a clear plan. So while 2013 won't be as exciting as our 2012, I think it will set us up for a better future. So here's hoping the sacrifice is worth it. I think it will be.