Diabolical Puffs

My nemesis stands 1/8th of an inch tall. It's shaped like a star. It tastes like apples and cinnamon, and doesn't have much nutritional value.

It is the puff. Or, more correctly, puffs, because there are so damn many of them.

For those of you who aren't elbow-deep in the baby world, puffs are little, fluffy cereal bites for babies. Think Apple Cinnamon Cheerios, only lighter. Annabelle loves them.

I don't.

This isn't to say there's anything wrong with puffs themselves. Gerber makes a nice product that is a great supplement to meals. They're tiny, they're delicious, and they melt in your mouth.

But I hate them. So much.

It all started a couple weeks ago when Bridget suggested we get some puffs so Annabelle could "work on her pincer grasp." (I think there was a crack of thunder when Bridget made this suggestion, but I can't be sure.) Working on her pincer grasp is a fancy way of saying working on picking up small things.

The next morning, as I was feeding Annabelle some breakfast, we tried the puffs. She was confused at first (that happens a lot with a six-month old), but figured it out quickly. She picked them up, played with them, and really enjoyed eating them. She didn't actually feed herself, but we were pleased.

The morning after that, she ate even more puffs. In fact, she preferred the puffs to her oatmeal. By a lot. And that's when things went downhill.

Puffs became an obsession. Other foods Annabelle loved, like apples, pears, and oatmeal, were cast aside like a photo of an old girlfriend. Day after day, it was puffs, puffs, puffs. Here, see for yourself:

Cute? Sure. Frustrating? Definitely. I even tried that bait-and-switch technique where I'd show the puff, get her to open her mouth, and then go in with the oatmeal. This made me feel shady and dishonest, though.

Annabelle had made up her mind. It was puffs or nothing. For days on end.

This may sound somewhat adorable, but I feed Annabelle breakfast every morning. I want her to have variety and high-caloric foods like avocados and bananas so we can make her nice and chubby. But she has other ideas and, I've quickly learned, she means "no" when she says it. I beg. I plead. I do the whole airplane loop thing. Nope. Give me 10 more puffs, Dad. And make it snappy.

So now what? What do we do with her beloved puffs? Well, they aren't welcome at breakfast (or any meal) anymore. They're buried deep in the pantry. To me, they're dead.

Sure, I feel a little bad. It's not like puffs did this on purpose. Really, it's Annabelle's fault. But, as you might guess, my daughter is perfect, so puffs get the blame and become the nemesis.

We have an extra container of puffs if anyone is interested. We won't be needing them.

From the Fan of Death to Annabelle Grace

You probably don't remember what you were doing on June 3, 2012. For the most part, I don't remember what I was doing either. But I do know that I sat down for an hour that day to write the first blog post for A Joint Account. 

This blog post is number 100.

Who cares? That would have been my first reaction when I was in high school or college. (It may still be your reaction now.) I used to think round numbers were overblown. I just couldn't understand what made the 5th, 10th, 25th, or 50th of something such a big deal. Why not have a big party for someone's 29th birthday or 11th anniversary? It seemed stupid.

Now that I'm getting older, though, I get it. First, instead of just saying something was "stupid," I do a little research. It turns out there's this thing called round number bias. Essentially, people prefer round numbers when setting goals and buying things. (This piece, "The psychology of numbers: Why is 100 better than 101?," is pretty darn interesting.) And second, I reflect more now than I did when I was an invincible teenager or 20-something. I use milestones to look back at the process, celebrate successes, and learn from mistakes.

Here, then, are two sets of reflections. First, a look at the blog itself:

• Most popular post: "The Greatest Idea Ever: Baby@Gmail.com" with 513 views. We published it on Saturday, August 10, 2013.
• Least popular post: "Oscar the Incorrigible" with 63 views. We published this on Wednesday, July 25, 2012. (We stopped publishing on weekdays soon after this one.)
• Total page views: 24,780.
• Most posts in a month: 15, which happened in June of 2012. We obviously haven't kept up the pace. No one saw that coming.
• Fewest posts in a month: 1, which happened in October of 2012. We were traveling a lot then, he gave as an excuse for laziness. 
• Bridget's favorite post: "The Story of Belle's Birth" from September 9, 2013. 
• Mike's favorite post: A tie between "The 18 Reasons 2012 Was the Best Year Ever" and "A Letter to My Daughter Before She's Born." 

Second, some reflections on why we've kept this blog going for almost two years of our lives. (It shows an interesting life trajectory, from summer concerts and half marathons, to maternity leave and being boring new parents.) So, why have we been blogging for 21 months? There are three main reasons:

1. The blog gives us both a chance to work on our writing. We both love to do it, and the blog gives us the structure and motivation we need. Is there anything more exciting than a blank piece of paper ready to be filled with words, sentences, paragraphs, and stories? 
2. It's a great way to keep a record of our family's life. (It's so easy to forget things when you don't write them down, isn't it?) We can look back at the days when the "Fan of Death" and magazine clutter were our biggest concerns. And now, since we have Belle, we're hoping she'll really enjoy reading through these stories when she gets older. (To make the memories even more tangible, my sister gave us a book of our blogs (that's the photo at the top) for our first wedding anniversary. It was very sweet.) In short, the blog helps us keep memories fresh and alive. 
3. The blog helps us connect with other people. In essence, it's a conversation starter. Hundreds of times in the past two years, someone has made a comment to either me or Bridget about the blog. (Most of the comments are complimentary, which is very nice. A few comments, mostly from male friends, are insults, but it's important to stay grounded.) Simply put, the blog makes our life more interesting. 

Some people tell us they love our blog (which is humbling) and other people might find it obnoxious (which is cool, too). Like it or hate it, we've had a lot of fun with it. When will we stop? Who knows? But, for now, on to the next 100 ...

Baby Must-Haves for Surviving the First 6 Months

As has been previously documented in this blog, I like to buy things. But what you may not know is that I'm also incredibly cheap. So if I'm going to spend money, I like to know that what I'm buying is the best quality, most highly rated, and also that it is a good deal. This drive is so strong that Mike has accused me of being "a little obsessed" with my internet research. He's even suggested that I quit my job and become a researcher full time. So if anyone knows of a job opening in researching things to buy for Annabelle, let me know. I'm very well qualified and I have great references.

Because of all the hours I put into our baby registry, I feel the need to share with the world the things that we bought that absolutely made our lives easier over the last 6 months. I understand this post will only appeal to about 3 people who are actively gestating, and for that I apologize. But let's get real. All the baby stuff we've posted recently really only appeals to about 3 people anyway, so why not embrace it? So without further ado, here is my list for baby registry must-haves:

1. Fisher Price Rock 'n Play: This was a lifesaver during those first sleepless weeks. Annabelle loved sleeping in it, napping in it, and just hanging out in it. If you are having a baby, just get this. Trust me. Then when they get bored, buy this and clip it to the top. 
2. Aden and Anais Bibs: We got a lot of bibs at our shower. And for the first couple of months I really didn't get what these things were for because clearly I had given birth to a baby that was too advanced to drool. Then at about four months the waterworks started and I have a total drool monster on my hands. We have probably 50 bibs, but these insanely expensive ones are our favorite. They have a snap which is key because all the others with velcro somehow always get stuck to my bras in the laundry.  I'm not sure why it is always my bras and nothing else, but there you go. They also absorb approximately 30 gallons of drool. Register for these puppies because they are exactly the type of thing that you aren't going to want to buy for yourself. 
3. Swaddlers!: They are going to teach you how to swaddle your baby with a regular blanket at the hospital, but no matter how hard I tried Annabelle was always going to break free from my lame swaddle attempts. You are going to want to buy a bunch of these because your baby will sleep so much better when they are not punching themselves in the face. Silly babies. There are many different varieties, of which this straight-jacket one is the most effective, so buy a couple and experiment. Bonus: your baby will look like an adorable burrito when you put them in one of these. 
4. Merlin Magic Sleep Suit: Mike devoted a whole blog post to this thing, so you know it is good. After your baby is done with the swaddle you are going to want this. 
5. Exercise Ball: This is a weird one, but it is actually great for calming down a fussing baby or getting your baby to fall asleep. It was our last line of defense when Annabelle just wouldn't be soothed. 
6. Infant carseat with Snap and Go base: This is probably our most used item over the past 6 months and one that I really didn't understand the need for before Annabelle arrived. I spent loads of time researching the perfect stroller. But what I didn't realize is that your baby isn't really going to use the diesel stroller for the first few months of their life because they are too tiny and can't hold up that heavy head on their own. Plus, if your baby falls asleep in the car, you are NOT going to want to wake that baby up. Sure, you can buy an infant carseat adaptor for your diesel stroller, but those things cost like $60 and I'm way too cheap for that.  Hence, this little system is a must. We have a Graco Click Connect 35 carseat which gets good marks, but the Chicco Keyfit 30 seems to be another favorite. While you are at, get a cover for it. 
7. City Mini GT: This is the aforementioned diesel stroller. We actually do use it quite a bit now that Annabelle is big enough and it is a far superior experience than the snap and go. The snap and go is light and super convenient, but it doesn't exactly corner well or handle the cobbled sidewalks of Cambridge. This stroller is one of the few that is well made, light and easy to fold, and relatively inexpensive (some strollers cost over a grand. Seriously). I also see a lot of people with this UppaBaby stroller which I secretly covet because you can have the baby facing you and you can also add a second seat to it. It is way more expensive and I have no experience with it, but I do have stroller envy when I see it. People also really seem to like the BOB jogging stroller, not so much for jogging but for everyday strolling. It's like an even more diesel version of what we have. It's a little too heavy for what we wanted, but it seems much loved amongst other mommies. 
8. Bottles: Dr Brown's with the level one nipple is the best for newborns. Annabelle acted like she was being waterboarded with the other bottles so this was a real breakthrough for us. 
9. Wubbanub: Annabelle has a deep and profound love of pacifiers but could not keep them in her mouth. These helped. Plus they are cute. 
10. Baby Carriers: At some point you are going to want to use your hands again, but your baby isn't going to be too keen on the idea of being put down. We have the Baby K'Tan for around the house. Then we bought the Ergobaby for when Annabelle started to get heavier and we wanted to take some longer walks outside. They are both awesome and can save your sanity. Babies generally love sleeping in these things and we've been using the Ergo instead of the stroller when Cambridge sidewalks are just too snow-covered. 
11. Baby Seats: For those times when you actually do have to put your baby down, here are a few good options. Annabelle loved the Rock and Play, but we also used the Boppy Lounger. I love that this is called a "lounger." The mental picture I have when I think of Belle lounging is just awesome. Basically, this is a nice little nest where you can put down baby when you need them close, but not in your arms. There is the Bumbo, which Annabelle enjoys quite a bit. It allows baby to sit before they can actually do it on their own. Sort of like sitting training wheels. She started using this at about 3 months. We also have hand-me-down bouncer similar to this from Fisher Price that was good when she was a wee one. 
12. Breastfeeding paraphernalia: If you plan to breastfeed, this cover helps when you are in public or just don't want your boob out in front of friends and family. You are also going to want some sort of pillow when your baby is just a little nugget and super sleepy. I used the unfortunately named My Brest Friend. There is also the popular Boppy, which I think is actually a inferior breastfeeding pillow, but has a lot of value as a pillow for tummy time and for support when your baby starts to sit. One thing you should NOT register for is a pump. Thanks to Obama, your health insurance should cover this. They made it really easy for me at the hospital. You basically just need a "prescription" for one from your healthcare provider. My insurance would have completely covered the Medela Pump in Style (which is a misnomer if I ever heard one), but I upgraded to the FreeStyle. It is great. You'll also need this and this. Sorry. Breastfeeding can be tough at first. And these are my favorite for storage because they lay flat. 
13. Toys: At some point your baby is going to want to start playing with things. Annabelle likes her stacking cups, the Oball Rattle, these links, the Winkle, Freddie the Firefly, her rainforest crib mobile, the Jumparoo, this playmat, the wonder wheel for the highchair, and this mirror because babies are super vain. 

OR, you can skip this list and just buy Baby Bargains. It is amazing and rates everything. 

Improving the Quality of Our Mornings

I hit the "answer" button on my iPhone in a panic. My shaky "hello," I imagine, sounded more like a nervous shout than a greeting. At first, all I heard was crying. Then, I heard a sentence that hit me with a heavy thud: "I can't do this."

It's interesting when we look back on the moments that make us change -- an unexpected job offer, a brutal hangover, a surprising number on a scale.

Bridget's trembling, overwhelmed voice at 8:30 one weekday morning created a feeling of helplessness I had never experienced. She was crying, Annabelle was wailing, and I was standing in my bedroom in a collared shirt and a pair of boxer briefs. It turned out, as Bridget has already written, to be just a tough moment in time. But it was the tipping point for us to make a change.

That phrase "make a change" has been an abstract idea for most of my life. Maybe you feel the same way. Other than willpower, how do you actually change something? How do you improve something? Thanks to the job I've had for three years, I've discovered a valuable method. It's called the science of improvement and, during the last six weeks, it's helped change our little family's life. More specifically, mornings have never been the same.

Our mornings come down to one simple truth: If Bridget and Annabelle leave by 7:20, everyone is okay. Everyone gets to work on time, traffic is bearable, and stress is under control. If the dawdling duo leaves at 7:25, 7:30, or heaven forbid, even later, panicked phone calls are a distinct possibility. So how could we make sure they left by 7:20 every weekday? The science of improvement! (If you work at IHI and you're reading this, feel free to stop now and make fun of me relentlessly tomorrow.)

First, we needed a goal or, as improvement folks call it, an aim. (Otherwise, how will you know where you're going?) That seemed easy enough for us. We needed to get Bridget and Annabelle out the door by 7:20.

Then we needed some data and some things to measure. What time did they usually leave? What usually made them late? We spent a few weeks tracking the time we all walked out the front door. (I don't leave for work then, but I always carry Annabelle to the car.) Those data points were helpful, but we needed more detail. If we left at 7:20 one day and 7:30 the next, it wasn't clear why there was a 10-minute difference. So we brainstormed and came up with six other things we needed to measure (these are called process measures) to help us understand why we were meeting (or, more correctly, not meeting) our goal:

• Time out of bed
• Time spent pumping
• Time spent in shower
• Time spent feeding Annabelle
• Time spent preparing breakfast
• Time spent getting dressed

We predicted that if we understood how long it took Bridget to do each of these things, we'd have more knowledge about our morning. 

And guess what happened? We've started to see some improvement. Each week, we calculate, the average time out of the house and compare that to our goal of 7:20. During the first week, it was 7:29, then it jumped up to 7:34 (not a good week), and last week, we hit our goal for the first time. (Hooray!) Here's a chart that shows our progress so far:

We still have a lot of work to do. We've hit our goal only once and now we'll have to find a way to sustain the improvement, which is quite difficult. But simply becoming conscious of the process and understanding that we control it has made our mornings much smoother.

And now with this new-found knowledge, we can run some tests -- getting up earlier, showering the night before, setting a time-limit for pumping -- that can help us get out the door by 7:20. (We'll test all these things with a tool called the P-D-S-A  (which stands for plan-do-study-act) cycle, which is as simple as it sounds.) 

Oh, and for those of you who might be picturing me chasing my wife around the apartment with a notebook, yes, that's exactly what happens. But she doesn't mind because she knows we're measuring for improvement and not for judgment. (There's a huge difference!) 

If you want to learn more about this improvement thing, here's a link to a free online course that will take you about an hour. If you don't want to learn more and think I'm a huge nerd for liking this stuff, that's cool, too. 

How Much is Your Commute Worth?

I don't have a good commute to work. No, I'd characterize it as great. Or maybe even wonderful.

While Bridget and most of the Northeast struggle through the last few weeks of driving in the snow and ice of another brutal winter, I can't help but think of how lucky I am. Most people drive at least 25 minutes to work (the average in the US in 25.4) on crowded highways. I stroll through Harvard Yard while I listen to NPR. Most people drive among a mix of reckless idiots and angry jerks. I sometimes pass people in front of me because I tend to be a fast walker. Most people drive to a gas station at least once a week to fill up. I occasionally stop at one of the three Starbucks I pass on my way into the office.

I'm not saying any of this to be annoying; believe me, I realize how incredibly lucky I am. I'm saying all of this because I wonder what it's all worth. What's the value of a commute?

Let's try to find out. And let's use me as an example because, well, I'm writing this. (Who else would we use?)

How much money do I save every year because I get to walk 1.1 miles from my apartment in Cambridge to my office in Harvard Square (still Cambridge)? We'll start with the easy car-related stuff:

• Car payment: If we estimate this at $300 per month, that means it's $3,600 per year. 
• Car insurance: When I had a car, I paid about $80 per month. That's $960 for the year.
• Parking: There are lots of great perks that come with working in Harvard Square. Parking is not one of them. Let's estimate this at about $15 per day. Multiply that by 220 working days in a year and that's another $3,300.
• Gas: With a standard commute, we'll put this at $40 per week. Multiply that by 52 weeks and there's another $2,080.
• General upkeep: Oil changes, wipers, random stuff that goes wrong with the car. Let's just say $1,000 here to be conservative.

So, all tallied, we're at $10,940.

Now it gets tricky. Now we have to assign a monetary value to exercise, stress, and time. Here goes:

• Exercise: Rain or snow, whether it's 77 degrees or 7 degrees, I walk both ways every day. (There are a few exceptions, of course, but let's say every day.) That's 2.2 miles per day and, assuming 220 work days per year, 484 miles per year. For the sake of argument, let's say every mile walked is equal to five dollars of good health. That's obviously not scientific in any way, but it's a round number and it seems reasonable if you think about it. That's $2,420 per year.
• Time: My commute ranges from 15 minutes to 20 minutes. I'm a pretty fast walker and there aren't a whole lot of trouble spots. I do have to wait at 2-3 crosswalks (depending on which way I go), but it mostly comes down to the speed of the heel-toe express. Let's say I average 20 minutes to keep it simple. That's five minutes less than the national average, which equals 1,100 minutes or 18.3 hours per year. If we say a person's time, on average, is worth $25 per hour, then we land at $458 in savings. (That was a lot of work for a little savings.) 
• Stress: I never have to deal with traffic jams, slippery roads, or construction. And I don't really have to pay attention while I walk. I can use that 20 minutes at the end of the day to decompress after a stressful meeting or think about what I should make for dinner. To me, that savings is huge, at least $20 per commute. That equals $40 per day, so I'm going to add $8,800 to the tally. And then if I leave work around 5 PM, which I try my best to do every day, I get home to spend two hours with my family before Annabelle goes to bed. Basically, I'm home at 5:20 instead of 5:50, which seems like a reasonable estimate for the average commuter with traffic, travel time, and parking. That extra half hour of family time is worth far more than our $25 per hour rate. I could obviously argue that the time is invaluable and impossible to measure, but then we wouldn't have a number at the end. Let's say those hours are worth $100. So, $50 per day equals $11,000 per year.  

That section adds up to $22,678, which gives us a grand total of $33,618. That's pretty damn significant. I realize, of course, that I won't be this lucky for the rest of my life. I've had annoying commutes in the past and I'll have annoying commutes in the future. 

But it's nice to have this in perspective. And, more importantly, it makes me realize I better start enjoying every penny.