Saver vs. Spender. Round 1.

For my maiden blog post, I’d like to take this opportunity to talk a bit about A Joint Account and why I find it such a fitting name for a blog about marriage. And it isn’t just because I love puns.

Of all the ways our lives have changed since March 31, 2012, the opening of our joint checking and savings accounts (hereafter to be referred to as “The Joint Account”) has made the most immediate and impactful difference. It is a daily reminder that our lives are blended, shared, and inextricably intertwined. And while there is great comfort in that, it also poses some challenges.  

But let me back up a bit.

I have been earning my own money since I was 11 years old and making a small fortune in West Newbury’s booming babysitting industry. I don’t know if I’ve ever had so much disposable income! Life was good. And even though I’ve since grown up and now clock in at a regular 9-5 gig, the one constant in my life has always been the control I’ve had over how I chose to spend my meager income. And how I’ve chose to spend it is sometimes unorthodox. For example, over the past two years I’ve spent an obscene amount of my money on trips to India, Australia, and Fiji, and developed a pretty serious laser hair removal habit. But who cares? It was my money and I could spend it as I saw fit.  

You see, I like to go out to nice restaurants and order an appetizer AND dessert. I’m addicted to online shopping (remember the 15 wedding dress?). I have an Amazon Prime membership and I’m not afraid to use it (seriously, it is amazing. Check it out). I prefer to buy lunch at my work cafeteria instead of brown bagging it. I am powerless to a good sale. I am physically incapable of going into a grocery store and spending less than $50. And then there is the aforementioned weakness for travel and hair removal. While I don’t have any debt besides my car and a small student loan, I’m also not winning any saving awards. I am a spender.

Mike, on the other hand, has been nominated for a lifetime achievement award in saving. He buys the same ¾ lb of deli meat and ½ lb of cheese each week for lunch and is never tempted by the cafes of Harvard Square. Mike has been known to transfer $0.12 to his checking account to ensure he has a nice, round, even number in there. Mike takes out $20.00 at the beginning of the week and by Friday still has $19.99 (I’m not sure where that damn penny goes). Mike was wearing the same suit his mother bought him for his National Honor Society induction to job interviews until I expressed my horror and subsequently guilted him into upgrading (and it was a brown suit. Brown!). Mike has fiscal willpower the likes of which have not been seen since the Great Depression. Mike is a saver.

So, as you can imagine, the decision to combine our finances was not one either of us came to lightly. In fact, as is my tendency, I did a fair bit of research on the topic of marital finance. I found an article about newlyweds managing their finances quite helpful. I wanted Mike and me to be partners. Especially since we plan on having kids at some point, it just didn’t make sense to me to have separate accounts. It seemed like too much work. It seemed like we wouldn’t be “all in”.

On the other hand, I didn’t feel ready to have to justify my boot-collecting habit to Mike. As a compromise, we decided that we would keep our individual accounts, but open The Joint Account into which we would both transfer money at each paycheck and from which we would pay all of our shared expenses.

The Joint Account has been a real eye-opener for both of us. It is a constant reminder of the need for us to compromise. To respect each other’s differences. To talk directly and honestly about money and about our wants and needs. This is difficult, especially for someone who has spent the last twenty years making these decisions alone.  But it is has also been a profoundly useful way for us to practice the art of being married.