The Art of Arguing

Looking back on our first month of blog posts, I'm realizing most of them are of full of wine and roses. Laughs about big fans. Jokes about bangs. Serious talks with dogs. And, well, that makes sense because Bridget and I are quite content. We are very happy we found each other and three months into this marriage thing, things are pretty damn good.

But, like everyone else, we argue.

We argue about little things (that cup you left on the table has been there for, like, two days!), we argue about medium things (well, fine, maybe I will go by myself!), and we argue about bigger things (yeah, let's spend our money on that ... are you serious?). We argue because that's what happens when you spend a lot of time with one person. You get on each other's nerves. Little things turn into big things. Conversations filled with jokes become conversations with folded arms.

And for us, it's heightened because neither of us is very good at being wrong. I wouldn't say Bridget is like a mule. I'd say she's like a mule stuck in mud with her hooves nailed to the ground. Me? I'm the exact same way, but you can add quicksand to the imagery. In other words, we are both stubborn -- very, very stubborn.

But since we both appreciate this reality, we're getting much better at arguing. We're better at diffusing the situation and saying, "Hey, you know what? I'm wrong. My bad. Let's be in love."

And one other very important rule has helped us argue the right way. The rule? Argue in the moment. Never bring up something from the past. It's not fair. 

For example, if we're arguing about Bridget and her cup-leaving tendencies, I can't say, "This is, like, the fourth time this month. You left the plate on the nightstand last week. You left a fork on the toilet 10 days ago. And you left a spoon in the cactus 13 days ago." Nope. Not fair. So, instead, "Hey, darling. Can you take care of this cup? It's been here for quite a while."

Is this technique fool-proof and perfect? Of course not. But it's served us well in the first 2+ years of our lives together and the first three months (BTW, Happy Anniversary, Bridget!) of our marriage.

Have a rule of arguing that you follow? Feel free to comment below ...