Motivated by Milestones

We encourage Annabelle to do new things all the time. Roll over, Annabelle. Say da-da, Annabelle. Say ma-ma. Grab your toy. Feed yourself. Solve this Rubik's Cube. We encourage her because it's natural. That's what parents do.

We obviously want her to be the best at everything. We want her to meet every milestone. Wait, no. We want her to crush every milestone.
Annabelle just hit the seven-month mark, so we want her to talk now, walk in two months, and do algebra by 18 months. We want progress, progress, and more progress.

But maybe we shouldn't.

As Annabelle fell asleep in my arms earlier this week (she wasn't feeling her best), I thought to myself: Why in the world would I ever want this to change? Why would I ever rush this? And yet, here I was encouraging her in this video of her first sounds that also happen to be a word:
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"Da-Da," of course, will become "I love you, Daddy." (Awww.) But that will turn into "Why can't I have that, Daddy?" That will evolve into, "You don't understand, Dad." That, in turn, will be, "Because everyone is piercing their eyelids, old man!" And, finally, "I just can't relate to you, gray-haired gentleman who happens to live in my house."

So why would I rush to get there? Why would I be so excited about Annabelle hitting these predetermined milestones? And how realistic are these milestones anyway? Let's take a look at some general guidelines:

• Rolling over: 2 to 3 months
• Crawling: 6 to 10 months
• Sitting up: 8 months
• Walking: 10 to 18 months
• Talking: About 12 months
• Potty training: As early as 18 to 24 months

(While I was digging up those stats from parenting.com and WebMD, I also found this: "Some eager parents interpret a string of "dada" babbles as their baby's first words -- "daddy!" But babbling at this age is usually still made up of random syllables without real meaning or comprehension." Whatever, WebMD. You don't know what the hell you're talking about. Annabelle isn't usual. Stupid Internet doctor.)

Annabelle can't crawl yet, so should we be worried? Should I grab a whistle, get on all fours, and set up an obstacle course with barbed wire to encourage her? I didn't walk until I was 16 months old and I turned out just fine. (I'll prove it if you want to race.) And I wasn't potty trained until I was about 3-years-old. (I developed just fine in that area, too.)

But still, there's this constant pressure from society for our children to be the earliest, the first, and the best. Friends and family, even with the best intentions, add to the stress. To make friendly conversation, they say, "Six months! Wow. Is she doing anything new?" Those five words immediately put me on the defensive. I want to have an impressive answer, like, "Yes! Origami!" or, "She sure is! She just filed our taxes!" Instead, I say something boring, like, "Still working on that tummy-to-back roll!"(Also, are YOU doing anything new? Oh, your job? Boring.)

The moral to all of this is simple: I need to slow down. Slow way down. Annabelle will walk when she walks, talk when she talks, and pee in a toilet when she pees in a toilet. Sometimes, she'll be ahead of the crowd and other times, she'll be near the back of the pack.

For now, I'm going to stop urging her to achieve all the time. Instead, I'll just hold her when she sleeps. And I'll smile.