The Birthday Evolution

I turn 32 this week. It's not significant in any way. There's nothing I'll be able to do on Wednesday that I can't do on Tuesday. No new shots at a bar, no significant discounts on rental cars in a lot. Nothing. Heck, it's not even a nice, round number like 25 or 30.

My 32nd birthday is important, though, because I think it may be one of the last that comes with an expensive gift from my wife.

Is this because she's cheap? My wife may be many things (addicted to magazines, a watcher of bad television, and stubborn on occasion, for example), but she is not cheap. One of her first blog posts sums this up. It may be the last time I get an expensive gift because of the birthday evolution I'm fairly certain every married couple goes through.

Let me explain.

When couples that end up marrying first start dating (for Bridget and I, this was June of 2010), birthdays are a big deal. Depending on how long you've been together, you ponder what would be appropriate. And you ask everyone you know. "Do I buy her jewelry? If I do, what is that saying?" Or, "Should I buy him that really nice camera or just get him a shirt? I don't want to come on too strong!" Ah, memories. Simply put, you aren't afraid to spend a lot because you're thinking this is THE one.

Then, as the dating goes on, the birthday train rolls on. Electronics here, trips there. And somewhere along the way, you realize that the person is definitely THE one. That realization puts even more pressure on birthday gifts as you want to make sure your offering appropriately symbolizes how you really feel. This led, in our case, to things like iPads and diamonds. Those are expensive.

Then you get married and, for many people, start thinking about money in terms of "us" instead of "me" and "you." (Bridget and I are in this phase now.) That's when things really start to change on the birthday front. You start thinking about buying houses, having kids, and taking family vacations. Instead of iPads and expensive cameras, I suspect, we'll put most of our money toward things for the house or non-stop (and much more convenient) flights for the family to somewhere. Birthdays, of course, will still be important, but a drawing of a dog from your 4-year-old kid will be worth far more than the priciest shirt from some boutique I've never even heard of.

This year, Bridget got me a really nice pair of headphones and is taking me out for an expensive dinner in San Francisco. She's very generous and I'm really thankful for both of them. But as we were driving home from a nice birthday dinner with my family last night, Bridget looked at me and said, "You know, we really don't need anything." She's right, I thought. Although the wonderful and expensive gifts have been nice, it's the other stuff -- thinking about the future and our lives together -- that is important.

And it made me realize I'm really happy to be turning 32.