From the Fan of Death to Annabelle Grace

You probably don't remember what you were doing on June 3, 2012. For the most part, I don't remember what I was doing either. But I do know that I sat down for an hour that day to write the first blog post for A Joint Account. 

This blog post is number 100.

Who cares? That would have been my first reaction when I was in high school or college. (It may still be your reaction now.) I used to think round numbers were overblown. I just couldn't understand what made the 5th, 10th, 25th, or 50th of something such a big deal. Why not have a big party for someone's 29th birthday or 11th anniversary? It seemed stupid.

Now that I'm getting older, though, I get it. First, instead of just saying something was "stupid," I do a little research. It turns out there's this thing called round number bias. Essentially, people prefer round numbers when setting goals and buying things. (This piece, "The psychology of numbers: Why is 100 better than 101?," is pretty darn interesting.) And second, I reflect more now than I did when I was an invincible teenager or 20-something. I use milestones to look back at the process, celebrate successes, and learn from mistakes.

Here, then, are two sets of reflections. First, a look at the blog itself:

• Most popular post: "The Greatest Idea Ever: Baby@Gmail.com" with 513 views. We published it on Saturday, August 10, 2013.
• Least popular post: "Oscar the Incorrigible" with 63 views. We published this on Wednesday, July 25, 2012. (We stopped publishing on weekdays soon after this one.)
• Total page views: 24,780.
• Most posts in a month: 15, which happened in June of 2012. We obviously haven't kept up the pace. No one saw that coming.
• Fewest posts in a month: 1, which happened in October of 2012. We were traveling a lot then, he gave as an excuse for laziness. 
• Bridget's favorite post: "The Story of Belle's Birth" from September 9, 2013. 
• Mike's favorite post: A tie between "The 18 Reasons 2012 Was the Best Year Ever" and "A Letter to My Daughter Before She's Born." 

Second, some reflections on why we've kept this blog going for almost two years of our lives. (It shows an interesting life trajectory, from summer concerts and half marathons, to maternity leave and being boring new parents.) So, why have we been blogging for 21 months? There are three main reasons:

1. The blog gives us both a chance to work on our writing. We both love to do it, and the blog gives us the structure and motivation we need. Is there anything more exciting than a blank piece of paper ready to be filled with words, sentences, paragraphs, and stories? 
2. It's a great way to keep a record of our family's life. (It's so easy to forget things when you don't write them down, isn't it?) We can look back at the days when the "Fan of Death" and magazine clutter were our biggest concerns. And now, since we have Belle, we're hoping she'll really enjoy reading through these stories when she gets older. (To make the memories even more tangible, my sister gave us a book of our blogs (that's the photo at the top) for our first wedding anniversary. It was very sweet.) In short, the blog helps us keep memories fresh and alive. 
3. The blog helps us connect with other people. In essence, it's a conversation starter. Hundreds of times in the past two years, someone has made a comment to either me or Bridget about the blog. (Most of the comments are complimentary, which is very nice. A few comments, mostly from male friends, are insults, but it's important to stay grounded.) Simply put, the blog makes our life more interesting. 

Some people tell us they love our blog (which is humbling) and other people might find it obnoxious (which is cool, too). Like it or hate it, we've had a lot of fun with it. When will we stop? Who knows? But, for now, on to the next 100 ...

Maternity Leave by the Numbers

Today marked a major maternity leave milestone. Did our darling daughter have some magical developmental breakthrough? Did she start walking or talking way ahead of schedule? No. (Though she is smiling and giggling which is pretty awesome.)

Today, friends, I watered my plants. “Watering the plants” has been on my to-do list since before Annabelle was born. Annabelle is 8 weeks old. I have not been able to get my act together and water these plants until just a few minutes ago. Now, this is not so much a victory for the plants (because, let’s be real, these plants are clearly dead at this point), but a sign that just maybe my life is regaining a bit of normalcy. Perhaps we are turning a corner and I’ll be able to do more things than just feed and change an infant.

You see, the thing I didn’t quite grasp about maternity leave, and about taking care of a tiny human in general, is that keeping said tiny human alive is incredibly time consuming. Yet, at the end of the day, you aren’t quite sure what you did. It isn’t like being at work, when you are constantly checking things off of your to-do list like some sort of corporate ninja.

This has been an adjustment for me. For the first month of Annabelle’s life I basically just fed and changed her and watched an obscene amount of TV. How much? Lets recap:

•  Seasons 2-5 of Fringe 
•  Seasons 1-4 of The Good Wife 
•  Seasons 6-7 of the West Wing 
•  More than a little Gossip Girl 

That is, by a conservative estimate, 214 episodes total. Which results in 160 HOURS of TV. All watched in one month. Before you call the mommy police on me, please know that newborns sleep like 36 hours a day. And Annabelle really preferred to do her sleeping on me. Turns out there are a limited amount of things you can accomplish with a sleeping infant on your chest. So TV watching became my pastime of choice.

Since we are already crunching numbers, let’s look at Annabelle’s life so far. Thanks to this app, we’ve been diligently tracking her every move. This tracking was necessary for the first week or two of life to make sure she was doing ok, but at this point it has just become a sick obsession. Of course, it allows me to look back at the past 8 weeks and realize how I’ve spent my time:

• 35 bottle attempts 
• 392 diaper changes 
• 7,245 minutes of nursing 

And, actually, when you add it all up like this it does seem rather impressive. So what if I didn’t sew her Halloween outfit together from scratch? Or finish decorating her nursery. Or make dinner. Or clean the apartment. Or even get really into knitting.  I kept a baby alive. And maybe, if today is any indication of things to come, moving forward I just might be able to keep a baby AND my plants alive. Fingers crossed.

Of Stationary Entertainers and Maternity Leave

So I was on the internet this evening, doing some innocent research about how much infant childcare is (Note: I am not pregnant. Really. Not. Pregnant.), and I almost spit out my expensive barista-prepared beverage when I looked at some going rates in Cambridge.

$2500 a month? Every month? How do people afford this? And what if, god forbid, you want more than one child? OR, what if you want to have a child and still be able to pay your rent? How do people DO this? I all of the sudden had the urge to run around to every adult with a small child and ask them...SERIOUSLY, HOW? HOW do you DO this? 

Because it isn’t just the $2500/month in childcare. There is also all the other “stuff” that you have to buy so you are properly equipped to have a child. I uncovered a handy baby checklist on a helpful website.

There are over 150 "must-have" items on this list. One hundred and fifty.  Including 5 different strollers: Travel system, traditional stroller, lightweight stroller, all-terrain stroller, and double stroller. Not to mention the stroller accessories! Rain cover, weather protection boot, stroller sunshade, netting, organizer, cup holder, snack holder, and of course, stroller toys (are these different from regular toys? How? Why?!). Why does a baby need 6 different types of entertainers/swings? What exactly is a “stationary entertainer”? Why do a need both a full-size swing AND a travel swing?

And don’t even get me started on maternity leave. Did you know that of 178 countries worldwide, all guarantee some type of paid maternity leave EXCEPT the United States, Swaziland, and Papua New Guinea?

I repeat: US. Swaziland. Papua New Guinea.

And look at this graphic:

How is this ok? Instead of the generous leave afforded to women in other countries so they can, you know, nurse and bond with their infants, in the US we have the privilege of taking 12 weeks - unpaid - leave and not losing our jobs. I suddenly had the urge to retreat to my old stomping grounds of Montreal (50 weeks, eh?).

OK. So I added it up. 12 weeks with no paycheck. $2500/month in childcare expenses when I go back to work. Approximately $2.3 million dollars in multiple strollers and stroller accessories. I can’t even start thinking about what college will cost in 2032. Panic sets in. I turn to Mike. I let him know that we can no longer entertain the idea of having children because it is just too damn expensive. His response?

"Baby, we will be just fine. I believe in us."

And that, of course, is the correct response. We will be just fine. We will figure out a way to do it. Millions of people do. And I have no doubt that all the expense and the sacrifice will be totally worth it when we do decide to have that little money pit bundle of joy.

In the meantime, I've put myself on a fiscal diet. More about that in a later post.

But to all those moms and dads out there... For reals, how do you do it? And do you think the rising cost of raising a child is sustainable?