License to Wed ...

No, this is not a post about that likely insufferable movie (I've never seen it) starring Mandy Moore and the dude from The Office. This is about the need to rethink the wedding licensing process. Frankly, it stinks.

Let me take a quick step back and explain how I stumbled on this topic. I was golfing (very, very slowly) a couple weeks ago behind someone who had never stepped on a course before. This was obvious because she (not being sexist; I've seen men do it, too) took too long to swing and, when she connected, the ball sputtered 20 feet to her right. On the ground. Into the woods. I remarked to my friend, Mike, "This is crap. You should need a damn license. You should be able to hit a ball 75 yards five out of 10 times to earn a license and get on a real course." (I'm actually quite serious about this.)

And, in between painstakingly slow shots, it got me thinking ... you need a license to drive, a license to operate heavy machinery, and a license to get married. The first two require you to show off some skills before you get the rubber stamp. Getting a marriage license, on the other hand, requires about $40 and putting your hand in the air while promising that the person by your side isn't a blood relative. Not so tough. Unless you live in the South. (Kidding, kidding. But not really ...)

So, I have an idea: I'm suggesting five tasks couples need to complete before they get the piece of paper that allows them to say, "I do." Here goes:

1. Couples should know each other's middle names. Think about it. Other than your family (and sometimes including your family), how many middle names do you know? Your college roommate? The person you sit next to at work? Carly Rae Jepsen? (Shoot, bad example ...)

2. Couples should be stuck together in an elevator for an hour. Can you really stand each other? Let's find out.

3. Each partner should have to cook one meal, including dessert. Everyone should cook. It's only fair.

4. Couples should shovel snow together at least once. The reason? See No. 3.

5. Each partner should be sick in bed for at least two days. This is the big one. I, for one, am a giant, whiny, pain in the ass when I'm not feeling well. I don't want to leave the house. I don't like anyone. And I'm 100% sure that I'll never feel better again.

Should there be more tasks? Probably. But at least these five can get us started. Maybe they can even vary by state. (The south would come up with some hilarious ones!) Either way, I'm quite certain these five tasks will tell you more about your future mate than admitting she (or he) isn't your sibling.