It's almost here.
By "it's," of course, I mostly mean Wednesday, the day Bridget will be induced. We are over-the-moon excited, nervous, and ready to "get that baby the hell out of Bridget's belly." (Her words, not mine.) But by "it's," I also mean the beginning of fantasy football, which officially kicks off on Thursday with the start of the NFL season.
Now, at a quick glance, these two things -- babies and fantasy football -- are quite different. One is a pooping, drooling mess that changes your life forever. The other is a baby.
But seriously, they are quite different. One is an actual human. One is fake. One is doted on by parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends. The other is, in many people's opinions, a giant waste of time. One is the continuation of evolution. The other is grown men eating chicken wings, drinking beer, and throwing things at computer screens.
So, yes, these things are very, very different. But as Bridget and I get ready for a life-changing week and I start adjusting lineups in my two fantasy leagues, I'm realizing these two things can be quite similar. Here are five ways:
1. Research is critical. I've read a handful of baby books and spent several hours on ESPN.com. I've learned about colostrum, stork bites, and speedy wide receivers. I've learned a lot about kneecaps -- babies are born without them and an injured one can ruin a season. Will every bit of reading I've done pay off in either situation? Probably not. But I feel a lot more confident knowing that I've prepared as much as I can.
2. You have no control. At the end of the day, however, all of the research in the world isn't going to change reality. We will be frustrated with our baby at 3 AM and have no idea what to do, and someone on my team will get injured. (Thanks for already taking care of that, Le'Veon Bell.)
3. A name is important. I've already written about the process of naming our daughter. I'm quite certain it's the most important thing you do before your child is born. (Installing the carseat is probably a close second.) Our daughter will have her name forever, so we hope we've picked a winner. Naming your team -- in my case, Texas Forever -- can have a big influence on your season. Do you go with humor? Something like Little Lebowski's Urban Achievers? Do you highlight a star player? Maybe Tom Brady's Bunch? Either way, it's not a decision one should take lightly.
4. It's easy to get frustrated. One more touchdown. One more reception. One more yard. If you've ever played fantasy football, you know there's nothing quite like looking at your score on a Sunday evening and seeing that someone rushed for 99 yards or that a 80-yard touchdown catch got called back because of a phantom hold. Garbage! Similarly, I'm imagining, with constant crying and a lack of communication skills, the first few months of a baby's life will be challenging. The key to both situations, I believe, is taking it all in stride.
5. Winning is fun. As much as I try, I can't imagine the feeling I'll have when my daughter smiles at me for the first time. Or the joy that will infuse my body when she starts sleeping through the night. The first words, the first steps, the first goal she'll score in soccer. They'll all be huge wins. Beating a friend in an important fantasy football game is a great feeling, too. Even if it lasts for only a second, the jubilation of "my team is better than yours" is pretty damn cool.
Of course, I've never actually won a league title. So here's hoping I'm better at fatherhood than I am at fantasy football ...
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